Say ‘yes’ to help. The most important word is help. If having friends or family over is not helpful, do not have them over. Let your partner help because you are both doing it wrong – whatever ‘it’ is. Text your girlfriends who have been through it.
- Night doulas / Night nurses: Saved my despair in the first few weeks. It’s pricey and a luxury.
- Taught me about my baby faster than I could learn it – relieving gas, diaper rash remedies, what seemed alarming but was considered ‘normal’
- Gave me tips on feeding and pumping in the middle of the night
- Talk to you in the middle of the night to keep you from falling asleep (or crying) while you feed your baby
- Will help you feed your baby based on your goals – formula, pumped milk, from your breast- whatever you want
- Let you sleep in-between feedings vs stay up to soothe and change diapers (which basically takes the entire time in-between newborn feedings)
- You can book the same doula for each night you schedule services, or you can let an agency give you any doula available for the schedule you’re looking for. For me, I valued continuity of one person getting to know the baby and my needs. This meant that occasionally, we had to take a cancellation though for emergencies, etc.
- Food: You won’t be cooking. If you can, use a food service or just tell people to drop off food for you. There’s always delivery / take – out but food services may get you more nutritious options during a time when you are totally depleted.
- Chores: Either pay someone to do them, or whoever is not feeding the baby is the one doing them.
- Visitors: Don’t feel guilty. They can come if you want and they can stay outside if you are not ready. And then, they will come over at the wrong time because there’s no way to guess what a good time is and your baby will either sleep or cry while they are there probably.
- Going out: Medical advice aside, the ironic thing is that at the very beginning your baby will probably sleep anywhere, but the non-stop feeding makes it hard to go anywhere. Then, when you have the feedings under some control, they won’t necessarily sleep anywhere. In any case, I would take it a day at a time and keep everything short. Every outing is a victory. The answer to all non critical invitations can be ‘maybe, we’ll see how the day is going.’ , and if people don’t get that, they’re not supporting your needs.
- Exercise: There is a lot of varying and sensitive opinion here. The good news is, in the first few weeks it is the last thing on your mind because of everything else you’re trying to maneuver physically and mentally. My best advice is to find a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor and post partum recovery who is tuned in with your pre-pregnancy and pregnancy fitness levels and lifestyle. Your doctor will tell you that if everything checks out in 6 weeks you can “resume normal activity”, but depending on what your “normal activity” was before hand, this is really not very helpful and they will really have no other advice for you. My personal experience is that light movement, breathing exercises, stretching, and walking (not power walking) are all doable before your 6 week appointment depending on how you’re feeling.
- Stuff you will likely need for physical recovery:
- Postpartum undies
- Do not fear these, they are surprisingly comfortable actually
- They will give these to you at the hospital, and then ask for more to take home
- They are meant to be disposable after each use
- Depending on how you’re feeling and the rate of bleeding slow-down, you may need some extra and can buy the exact same ones online
- You can transition to your normal undies whenever you’re comfortable depending on if your normal undies can support whatever pad size you are wearing
- Bleeding – they will tell you it will go on for 2 – 6 weeks, depending on the person. (For me, it was 5-6 wks)
- Period Pads
- Start with the giant ones that the hospital gives you for the 2 days you’re there and then assess how your bleeding is flowing after that.
- Transition to what you would typically be comfortable using for period pads and then later to pantie liners.
- Ice packs
- These are special giant ice packs, not the kind you may already have in your freezer
- The hospital will give these to you to use while you’re there and then ask for more to take home.
- If you feel like you still need more after that, you can also buy them online or you can make your own, but who has the energy for that.
- Witch hazel pads
- These are little medicated gauze pads that you line up on your special recovery underwear pads to help your vagina feel better after what it’s gone through.
- They will give these to you at the hospital to use. You can ask for more to take home.
- You can also buy the exact same ones online if you need more.
- Peri bottle
- This is so that you can wash your vagina and your ass when you go to the bathroom vs wiping it since it will be tender.
- They will give you one at the hospital that looks like this, and you can ask for one to take home.
- However, get one like this for when you go home b/c it is way better.
- Benzocaine spray
- This is a topical spray that they may give you at the hospital as well to cool and numb your nether regions
- You can ask for some, and if you need more, you can buy the exact same one online.
- Hemorrhoid cream
- You won’t need this in the 2 days at the hospital, but a nice nurse handed it to me and told me to take it home for when you do need it.
- Tips:
- If you have a Flex Spending Account with your health insurance, you can use it on this stuff.
- Hopefully you have a tub to sit in at home, b/c you may need to sit in your tub every day for a bit to aid in your recovery.
- Postpartum undies